"I didn't turn the television off, but sometimes I fell asleep in front of it," the inimitable Austrian legend told Auto Motor und Sport.
For many, Vettel's nine grands prix wins on the trot in the second half of 2013 ended the debate about whether the 26-year-old is a true great.
"That's not fair," Berger told the German magazine.
"Until a year ago, I still saw Alonso as the most complete driver, but after this year I would put Vettel in first place for the first time."
As for Lewis Hamilton, Berger thinks the Briton is now lagging behind the very best.
"Hamilton is also not as complete as those two (Alonso and Vettel), who are in a league of their own. Hamilton's speed is enormous, but he has too many distractions.
"Step by step he is bringing the (Mercedes) team to his side. It was like that with Schumacher and now he's turning the tables for a second time."
As for Nico Hulkenberg, Berger thinks the German is "good" but "too hyped up" by the media.
Berger is also not shy to be honest about the new 'double points' innovation for the 2014 finale, brusquely dismissing the rule as "nonsense".
"My gut tells me that 650 or 750 horse power for a F1 car is not enough. Together with perfect aerodynamics, huge run-off areas and the electronic aids, the good are not different enough than the less good.
"In my time, when you did a perfect qualifying lap, you were a second faster than your teammate. Because you were riding a cannon ball.
"Safety comes first, and rightly so, but the cars and the tracks are now incredibly safe. So I think we could have engines with 1000 horse power again.
"The fans should watch and say 'I couldn't do that', like they do with MotoGP."
Berger acknowledges, however, that he is simply of a different generation. Now, in the 'green' and computer era, the FIA's new and silent Formula E series might be set to take over.
"Could be," he admitted. "I was asked if I wanted to be involved in Formula E, but I refused. This is not my kind of motor sport.
"I come from a generation that was proud of your car. You gave it wider tyres, tuned the engine, put a big wing on it.
"Modern cars are now so perfect that they are worse if you try to touch it. And if you bring a flash one to a disco, the women think you are a show off."
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